This shocks me to the hilt.

What do others think? and ever heard of it before?


Question
My mother is almost 97 years old. She has been in a nursing home for three years and has continuously gone down hill. She is well taken care of, but is in the end stages (I believe). She is able to sit up in a wheel chair; her speech is minimal(usually just "hello"); she eats three meals a day, reacts to kindness--smiles, and strikes out if threatened; she sleeps either in bed or in the wheel chair most of the day and night; she is unable to stand and has difficulty moving her legs. I cannot detect pain of any kind, but I am not an expert in these matters.

The problem is that members of my immediate family want to with- hold food so that her death is imminent. I cannot justify this. No where can I find a reference to this situation on the Internet. As far as I can tell, she still enjoys eating. She does not turn it down although she eats less. My mother is a spiritual person and I believe that she would not agree to this as it takes the timing of her life and death out of God's hands. I believe that withholding food is immoral. I also have a deep faith and rather God take her in his time. My relatives have no belief system.

Please tell me what you know of similar situations (if any). Do relatives of other dementia patients withhold food? I have a meeting with these relatives and a health management person on Thursday, Mar 3. I was not made known of any of these plans until Friday morning when a meeting (unknown to me)had been arranged and I was told to be there at 9:30 am the same day. The meeting was over 2 1/2 hours away. Needless to say I could not make it. It was cancelled and rescheduled for March 3. I am listed first on my mother's living well. Does that give me any power to stop this. I would also like to know your opinion of withholding food from a patient willing to eat it. Hope this is clear to you.  Thank you for anything you can do, Diana.

Answer
Hello Diana:  I'm so sorry to hear about this dilemma with your dear mother.  I have not had any clients or heard of any relatives who chose to stop feeding a person with dementia when they could clearly still eat food and drink fluids.  You are correct, eating is just about the only thing she can still participate in, and in my opinion, she should not be deprived of that opportunity simply because some relatives want her to die sooner rather than later.  That's why we have laws to protect the elderly from some of their own families.  I would question whether the nursing home would even participate in withholding food and fluids from her when she can still eat--I believe they would see it as actively causing the death of a resident and would refuse to do so.  The person, or people who have durable healthcare power of attorney for your mother can make healthcare decisions for her, but again, that decision to withhold food would not be a proper one.  I think if you simply ask the question aloud to the management of the nursing home (during the meeting), if they could be held liable in causing the death of your mother should they withhold food from her, they would agree they could be and refuse to do so.  At the very least, it would imply to them that if her food is withheld, you would be willing to take legal action against them.  You may also speak to the facility management via phone prior to the meeting to see what their stand is on this issue--it may set your mind at ease to know they wouldn't carry out your relative's wishes.  They may only be calling the meeting (or they may be unaware of the reasons) in order to make their position known in the presence of everyone.  You should also check with Legal Aide in your state, and ask them what laws would protect your mother in this situation.  I would be sure everything in the meeting is well documented, and if your mother doesn't have a durable healthcare POA, then you should petition the court to be named legal Guardian for her so you won't have to worry about the other relatives trying to find ways to hasten her death.  
Best of luck to you Diana as  you go to battle for your mother.  She's very luck to have you on her side.  Cindy

I always thought respite care was to keep a person alive and happy

not to give them a slow starvation death? How dare anyone do this is my opinion re taking away a person's basic right of  medication and water and  food.

I am shocked and really saddened

Phyl.

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Phyl.
avater
8th Sep 2011
7:02am
removeedit

I have learnt Nautilus we should all be talking far more and asking

asking questions as being complacent and thinking everything is o.k.

is not good enough.

Accountability being the operable word in my book.

Blame lies with many and probably all of us in one way or another

even if it is just 1%  where children in orphanages and Senior

folk in Nursing Homes are concerned. We cannot presume people are doing

the right thing by them with what they present to visitors and

over the phone sadly.

..

Anything anyone has to say on this subject is very worthwhile

as so many of us just did not know. Ostriches? probably :(

I know I need educating but sadly too late for Peter's Mum :(

Have a good day

 

There is a lot to be said about how charities raise

their finances to 'HELP' those in need.

Do the methods used, as in some of these posts,

be the result of negativity towards charities in general?

resulting in less donations. Pushing them to be business

orientated instead of volunteers?

We all complain about collectors either at the door or

on the phone. Why not just select the charities you wish

to donate to, and notify others not to send material to you?

are all big charities not the same.

Why not just simply check what any specific charity achieves

in helping those in need, financially,with accomadation,

mental health etc. Why complain about how they raise funds

if you do not get involved

Why throw the baby out with the bath water. because of some

aspects not liked.

Good post Seth,  There is good and bad in all of these organisations but how many families would struggle to buy clothes if these organisations did not exist.The shop I work in has a paid superviser but is manned completely by volunteers .I never cease to be amazed at the generosity of the general public that keep the donations coming. I know that we have people bring in a pile of clothing but then buy armfulls of stuff while they are there. It has become more recycling and I know that because our prices are kept so low people tend to support us rather than the Salvos as this comment I hear very often wobbly

Hi All,

I do not wish to hi jack this thread but asking about health care I will try and provide a short summary of some of the issues that can be addressed easily by organisations and should/might reduce the costs of services in the long term by eliminating repeat support that goes nowhere and helps no one really.

Of course, we need to support our charities and I do not begrudge this in any way. However, the use of the available funds and donation to assist those in need or help must to be transparent and accountable. I do not support the opportunism used to get cheap labour, etc.  It is with some concern I view what were charitable organisations change and instead of the priority of helping it changes to asset increasing for the organisation.

Planned carefully we can better use those funds.

I will provide an example.

After alleged retirement :), (I can spell it) I was asked would take on the accounting for an youth emergency accommodation organisation.

As it meant travelling nearly 100 ks every day and I am in my seventies with some health issues I said I could not take it on but would be willing to sit in on some sessions where we could look at some options.

Attending a meeting with the committee and I said what I was going to discuss should not be taken personally but for them to think over the questions.

1. Why are you on this committee?

Is it because it is nice to be seen doing good for those more unfortunate.

Or do you have something positive to contribute.

2 What skills do you and the other bring to the committee?

Do you need other skills and where can you tap in to get them?

I noted they had stated they had set aside $800 for training but proudly said they had only spent $200.

My advice was to look at that claim. Did the saving of the $600 prove to be a real saving when training in all areas was a need.

E.g. The committee although committed did not fully understand financial statement. Here was an area for a training programme to understand and analyse their finances.

The organisation had a good bookkeeper on their staff perhaps some upgrading of skills in this area would benefit.

Next were the youth workers, social workers, etc. although qualified did the organisation have a programme where those skills and knowledge were continually being upgraded or refreshed.

Then there was what in my view the most important area. The clients.

Was the organisation happy just to provide emergency accommodation for a designated period and then put them back on the street?

Alternatively would they be interested in providing some training in areas where they might be able to become independent and employable.

Areas of Training might be to lock into driver training courses so the client/s might get a licence and perhaps gain employment as a driver delivery goods.

forklift, back hoe drivers, front end loaders, etc are other areas of training.

Then there is the home area where training in budgets, cooking, home hygiene, sewing, gardening etc.

These are some of the areas that are often overlooked that could easily be opportunities to improve employment opportunities as well as increase the quality of life. The list can on and on.

At one time I worked as a consultant developing such programmes and many of them went on to success and in some instances the clients became owners of small business enterprises.

I could write a book just on that period, but for now my aim is to provide some idea of how we can help and at the same time use available funds better. Experience with some organisations they start at the top and secure themselves and the funding trickles down to the bottom where there is little available.

And, importantly treat your clients with respect and courtesy, not as someone who should be grateful for the privilege of being treated as sub human.  Remember you may one day be in that situation of needing help.

In this day of a poor global economy, you may be an executive living the high life and tomorrow unemployed in an overloaded market and with a high debt.   Remember “but for the grace of God it might be me”.  I am not religious.  That was beaten out of me when I was a child but I respect my fellow man.

This is such a sad situation isn't it , and in some cases makes you ashamed to be part of the human race  

Professoriau, Well explained article, As you say

specialised traing  in your suggested ares are needed.

Then the question of funding comes in, as we all know

not everyone is thrilled to donate Some even get hostile

at a request, when it is not a crime to just say ,no thanks.

You quite rightly point out that no one knows when or if

they will need help from a charity, but knowing there is help

however little it may be, could be a life saver..

I have found over the years that most of those who volunteer

have a very close understanding of those seeking help.

Today with high mortgages and no certainty of holding a job

which could cause the loss of a home and force them to seek

help.

As you say, I am not religious but strive to be a Christian.

 

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