This shocks me to the hilt.
What do others think? and ever heard of it before?
Question
My mother is almost 97 years old. She has been in a nursing home for three years and has continuously gone down hill. She is well taken care of, but is in the end stages (I believe). She is able to sit up in a wheel chair; her speech is minimal(usually just "hello"); she eats three meals a day, reacts to kindness--smiles, and strikes out if threatened; she sleeps either in bed or in the wheel chair most of the day and night; she is unable to stand and has difficulty moving her legs. I cannot detect pain of any kind, but I am not an expert in these matters.
The problem is that members of my immediate family want to with- hold food so that her death is imminent. I cannot justify this. No where can I find a reference to this situation on the Internet. As far as I can tell, she still enjoys eating. She does not turn it down although she eats less. My mother is a spiritual person and I believe that she would not agree to this as it takes the timing of her life and death out of God's hands. I believe that withholding food is immoral. I also have a deep faith and rather God take her in his time. My relatives have no belief system.
Please tell me what you know of similar situations (if any). Do relatives of other dementia patients withhold food? I have a meeting with these relatives and a health management person on Thursday, Mar 3. I was not made known of any of these plans until Friday morning when a meeting (unknown to me)had been arranged and I was told to be there at 9:30 am the same day. The meeting was over 2 1/2 hours away. Needless to say I could not make it. It was cancelled and rescheduled for March 3. I am listed first on my mother's living well. Does that give me any power to stop this. I would also like to know your opinion of withholding food from a patient willing to eat it. Hope this is clear to you. Thank you for anything you can do, Diana.
Answer
Hello Diana: I'm so sorry to hear about this dilemma with your dear mother. I have not had any clients or heard of any relatives who chose to stop feeding a person with dementia when they could clearly still eat food and drink fluids. You are correct, eating is just about the only thing she can still participate in, and in my opinion, she should not be deprived of that opportunity simply because some relatives want her to die sooner rather than later. That's why we have laws to protect the elderly from some of their own families. I would question whether the nursing home would even participate in withholding food and fluids from her when she can still eat--I believe they would see it as actively causing the death of a resident and would refuse to do so. The person, or people who have durable healthcare power of attorney for your mother can make healthcare decisions for her, but again, that decision to withhold food would not be a proper one. I think if you simply ask the question aloud to the management of the nursing home (during the meeting), if they could be held liable in causing the death of your mother should they withhold food from her, they would agree they could be and refuse to do so. At the very least, it would imply to them that if her food is withheld, you would be willing to take legal action against them. You may also speak to the facility management via phone prior to the meeting to see what their stand is on this issue--it may set your mind at ease to know they wouldn't carry out your relative's wishes. They may only be calling the meeting (or they may be unaware of the reasons) in order to make their position known in the presence of everyone. You should also check with Legal Aide in your state, and ask them what laws would protect your mother in this situation. I would be sure everything in the meeting is well documented, and if your mother doesn't have a durable healthcare POA, then you should petition the court to be named legal Guardian for her so you won't have to worry about the other relatives trying to find ways to hasten her death.
Best of luck to you Diana as you go to battle for your mother. She's very luck to have you on her side. Cindy
I always thought respite care was to keep a person alive and happy
not to give them a slow starvation death? How dare anyone do this is my opinion re taking away a person's basic right of medication and water and food.
I am shocked and really saddened
Phyl.
Thanks Nautilus and also Seggie.
wobbly
6th Sep 2011
7:47pm
report reply Posted by Wobbly:-
Why are we getting these posts voicing very troubling issues and asking our opinions months after the dates mentioned? Are these posts genuine or are they just introduced to give us something to discuss,if it is the latter I wish the postee would put it as a hypothetical question as anything else is a bit like throwing a peanut to the monkeys to see if they run after it. If it is a genuine post why post so late that our opinions are irevelant as any advise we had would be far too late to help anyone.I apologise if my post offends anyone but answers please. As a matter of record I find this is appalling and would be physically removing my mother or bringing it to the attention of a current afair or some such programme.Wobbly
.................................................................
Wobbly I posted it because we have been going through similar and having nightmares because it is what Peter's Mother was put through but because we are here in Vic. and not in Qld.
and because Peter was not his Mum's Power of Attorney because of not living close it has
been a devastating time for us. We were not advised about any of the Medication and food issues
at all and even though we phoned every day still did not realise what we were being told was not
what it was. SO if I choose to speak on the forum I will and I do not always
wish to divulge all our personel issues either on many subjects
but feel I will on this issue as we have found it is overwhelmingly common practice and it is terrible what happens to many older folk.
I am not apolgising Wobbly as I feel we may all post as we choose and how others take it their issue.
..
I do not talk about our son back from Somalia and then East Timor and the
heartbreak we have gone through with him "Never being the same man who was sent
to those places" as just like Peter's Mum it is extremely distressing but IF we want to post
about anything it should be o.k.
.
professori_au
6th Sep 2011
9:27pm
reportreply
The intention to withold food and other necessities I believe you will find is illegal and those proposing or carry out their intention could face a heavy hand of the law.
It has become apparent in the past decade or so that the elderly are no longer given the respect of pat years .
The philosophy seems to be ÿour've had you life and we don't want to have any obligation to look after you.
I am sorry to hear of this.
I grew up in an orphanage where children were treated as objects to be abused and humiliated as the abuser chose. Many of thopse children grew up with mental illnesses caused by the abuse; others committed suicide
It would be murder. Doubtless the old lady has assets, or otherwise the vulture rellies would not be circling and would have ditched her years ago.