Wishing there were no wishing wells
It seems there is a current trend for significant celebrations, think wedding, engagement, 21st, to ask for cash contributions to a ‘wishing well’ rather than give a gift.
This can be extremely awkward; how much to give is the first big dilemma.
The rule of thumb is to give the equivalent in cash as the per head cost of the event: so if two of you go to a cocktail party engagement it is probably about $150 ($75/head). The problem I have with this is there is nowhere to hide!
When times are tight, it may be possible to pick something up on sale that is worth $150; but you can’t really put $75 in a card with a note saying the Krosno was 50 per cent off this week and so is this contribution to your wishing well!
For weddings, in particular, I like to buy something that will be kept for a long time. I still have the Selangor salad servers that a work colleague gave me for my engagement 35 years ago.
My solution has been to give cash along with a beautiful Christmas tree decoration, in the hope that every year when they dress their Christmas tree they will be reminded of their wedding day.
When it comes to 21st birthdays, they are slightly different because these days most 21 year olds still live at home and many are planning to travel before settling down. They don’t have much need for domestic items, but many would love a contribution to their travel fund. In this instance, I am happy to contribute and if you are uncomfortable with cash it is easy to give a voucher for travel services, luggage stores or accommodation websites.
How do you feel about wishing wells? Have you come up with a clever solution or a way to work out how much to give?
i dont like them, and had never heard of them until a friends daughter got married about 5/6 years ago, i thought, [at that time] it was the height of rudeness to ask, i knew the bride had been wanting a particular piece of cooking equipment, so got that for her, as for 21sts, when my grand daughter turned 21 last febuary, she was doing her last year of university, so we knew she didnt have much money, and her and a friend decided on a trip instead of a party, and went to new caladonia, so daughter, hubby and i put in together and gave her $500, i did get a small personal gift for her, that was just between me and her, but it seems they all want money, but if your uncomfortable with this, or simply cant afford it, buy a gift, i think in this day and age, everyone is aware that most people dont have much, and are happy with anything, also, in this day when a lot of marriages fail, whers your expensive gift then, /?