Why won’t he sit next to me?
Q. Judy
I’ve worked for the same company for two years and over the last six months, have had to travel quite considerably with a colleague. As the senior employee he makes all the travel arrangements and when booking flights, always arranges to sit in a different row to me. At first I thought this was quite amusing and just one of his quirks, but now I feel a little offended. We work well together and don’t have any issues in the office, so I’m not that comfortable raising the issue as I may make things awkward. Should I just let it go, or is there a way I can broach the subject without sounding petty?
A. My first response is ‘how rude?’ I can’t think of any reason for this man to choose to not sit beside you on a flight without first explaining his reasons for doing so. Of course, he may well have valid reasons, such as falling asleep and drooling, being a nervous flyer, or flatulence, which he is trying to hide, or perhaps he likes to use the time to work, or catch up on his reading, but a quick explanation would make things less tricky.
You say that you have a good working relationship and that you get on well in the office, so I suggest that you choose your time wisely and casually ask if there’s a reason he likes to sit on his own when flying. Don’t be too confrontational, but be direct. Perhaps start the conversation with ‘You’ve travelled quite a bit for work, do you always prefer to sit on your own?’, or ‘Thanks for taking me under your wing with all the travel we’ve been doing, I’d be lost without the support. Is there a way we could maybe travel together so we can prepare or recap on our appointments, I’d really find this useful?’
Obviously no one can predict how he will respond, but most people would click that you are referring to his ‘unique’ travel habits. Either way, should he continue to prefer to travel alone, then you simply have to recalibrate your working relationship and accept that you now have some time on your own to kill. Use the time to catch up on work, watch some missed television shows on your iPad, or catch up on some much needed rest.
I have a good friend who said - a few months ago "When we go out to our Poets' group or involved in group activities. I would like to sit separately from you so I can meet other people" Well, yes, I was insulted. We have always sat together at restaurants and the like and both of us have conversation with others and not to each other. Yes I was offended. But it did not last. I chose not to go out with her at all!!!But I have thought about it. Both os us are shy when we go out so perhaps it is a good idea for both of us to be apart. She is more timid than I am when in company - But now I have recovered and it does not matter.....We are all unique individuals! He probably wants to chill out alone!May be he feels that he sees you enough at work. It would hurt of course,but just try to accept this behaviour. Sometimes., we do not need to explain just let it be as I have done. Worrying about it made me worse! Now in my wisdom, It does not concern me at all, I realised that I had the problem not her. So I let it be!