Every day we are faced with new challenges, some easier to deal with than others. YOURLifeChoices, with the help of our panel of experts, hopes to assist our members with some of the more perplexing dilemmas they may be facing.

Q. June

I consider myself to be good company, yet since my best friend moved away, I seem to have no other friends with whom to spend time. We did a lot together and saw each other every day and I now realise that it was to the exclusion of others in my life. My friend and I were both widowed at the same time and this was the common bond between us, helping our friendship to flourish.

She moved away about a year ago to be nearer her family. We keep in touch via email and Facebook, but it seems as though she has a full social calendar with lots of news, but I have nothing to tell her. Also, our communication is getting less frequent. My family also lives some distance away and I don’t see or hear from them very much

I have bumped into people I know and consider to be friends, but find it hard to ask if they would like to catch up for a coffee. Many of them ask after my friend and that diverts the conversation away from me. Why am I so lonely and what can I do about it? I don’t want to spend all my time on my own.

A. June, what you are experiencing is possibly very similar to how you felt when you were widowed. The loss of a relationship is tough and while, in this instance, no one has died, and you can still communicate with your friend, you are the one who appears to have been left behind.

It is only to be expected that your communication with your friend will be come less frequent. She will be busy getting on with her new life and will also be expecting you to do the same.  That doesn’t mean she thinks of you any less, she just doesn’t have the time to think of you every minute of every day. Have you considered paying her a visit? I’m not sure how far away she is or whether it’s possible, but I’m sure she would be delighted to include you in her new life and share with you the joy she is getting from being nearer her family. If this is isn’t possible, then perhaps you can ask her to come and visit you.

While catching up with your friend would no doubt be very special, what you really need to do is concentrate on you. Quite simply, you need to get your confidence back. You have been so comfortable in your close friendship that you have perhaps forgotten how to connect with other people. If you are fit and able, you could perhaps consider volunteering at your local church group, charity or favourite organisation. If you spend time doing something you have an interest in, you will at least have some common ground when it comes to meeting new people.  Don’t sell yourself short and don’t talk about your friend who has moved away. Keep the conversation light and if you see the chance to ask someone if they would like to have a coffee, then grab it. The worst that will happen is that person will say no because they are busy and if this is the case, you can always ask again or rearrange.

The same goes for when you meet someone you know, but haven’t seen for a while. By all means let them know how your friend is getting on, and then perhaps suggest catching up for a coffee or lunch. Also, there is nothing stopping you from phoning a friend and asking them if they are free for a catch up. In a time when communication often amounts to a few lines on a computer screen, people really enjoy getting a phone call and they will more than likely be very receptive to catching up face-to-face. Going to a movie or a concert with a friend is another great strategy as it gives you something to talk about!

I also think it is important that you renew the relationship with your family. Although you say you don’t hear from them very often, how frequently do you try to contact them? As you are on Facebook and email, making initial contact in a light and breezy way shouldn’t be too difficult. Send them a few messages asking how they are, saying it would be great to catch up and tell them about the new life you are about to discover. Again, pick up the phone and have a chat. Ask them if they would like to come and visit. It may be that they don’t realise you’re lonely. We often assume that our family knows what’s going on in our lives, even though we’ve never taken the time to tell them. I’m not suggesting you burden them with all your woes, but they are your family and they should be able to help you through this lonely time.

June, many people simply have no one and no avenue through which to rectify their loneliness. You do have acquaintances and have proven that you are able to cultivate deep and meaningful friendships. It’s time to get out there and start living; you never know, you might just find yourself having fun!

Have you been crippled by loneliness or do you have any tips and advice for June to help her establish more friendships?