I would maybe ring her and ask IF it is convenient to come to her for a visit, at a time that suits you both.



I know I always do this when I am wanting to visit with my Son--even though I know I am welcome at his place at anytime--but I always like to be well mannered and ask 1st as you never know if they have something they have to do or places they have to go. Better to never take anything forgranted.

I would take the advice of Plan B and ask if you could visit at a time that suits you both. You can stay with them which would give you the chance the see how you feel about living with them on a permanent basis or better still stay at a motel to see if the area suits you if you want to have a place of your own near them. But more importantly it will allow you to stay where you are if you think this is what you need to do.



My beautiful daughter stayed with me for 8 weeks and it was the simple little things that caused the greatest problems. None of these neither of us would have even thought of at the time. So as much as you love them, a visit would help all concerned to sort out these kinds of issues before any permanent discision is made.



My younger son moved from NSW to Queensland 13 years ago because his partner missed her family. And I now have two wonderful grandchildren 8 and 10. But the sad part is that I have seen them only once which was 5 years ago. So I thank god for email, photos and the phone.

As I said moving to be close to your family is a big decision. They are of a different generation and also have different interests. So tmy reality is that I can understand not having seen my son and his family.

Why not initially raise it as a hypothetical? During a phone chat when things are going well say "By the way, what would you think of me coming over for a few days?" That gives her the chance to make an excuse without it being a direct refusal or at the other extreme: "Mum I've been dying to have you, and why not make it a week or more?"



If you are invited agree on some ground rules — eg how long the visit will be. Always better to have people wishing you could stay longer than wishing you would go!



Also if you have a computer use Skype! Our family are three days drive away so we only visit about twice a year but it is lovely seeing our year-old granddaughter progress on Skype.

The main concern (naturally) is your visit being rejected. I doubt this would happen if you have not had any falling-out - unless it is truly inconvenient at the time you are suggesting.



Some people (especially some younger busy adults) lack old-fashioned skills at responding to tentative suggestions or requests in a way which is tactful and constructive. Do not be offended if they do not come across as totally welcoming and excited. There may be a number of reasons e.g. busy work schedules, shortage of money, shortage of suitable accomodation, concern that you might be judgemental about their lifestyle, or concern that you might want to stay indefinitely.



If you don't get a straight invitation after suggesting a visit, tell them you are planning a holiday and would just like to see them - not necessarily stay with them. Tell them you are booking a trip which includes accomodation at a nearby location. There are quite reasonable package deals available. You would then be able to be independent and use that as a base for visits and other sight-seeing. This would allow you to gradually build back the relationship, without it being too full-on for them to be comfortable.



When it comes to strangers staying, the Japanese have a saying "visitors are like fish, after three days they start to smell". If you are a stranger to your daughter, work slowly and carefully. Don't expect miracles and you won't get hurt. On-the-other-hand, you may be very pleasantly surprised, and if you don't try, you will never know.

Polly - I also have a daughter with 2 grandchildren, living a long distance away & I try to visit once (or twice) a year for about a week. I find it's better to stay in a nearby motel because a house with young children is not quite what I am used to, and everyone gets "space" at night and start each day fresh. That also means that you are not dependent on her to "entertain" you every minute of your visit. Why not ask about making your visit around the time of your daughter's birthday? I do that, and it makes it special for both of us. Also, for the first visit at least, don't make it in school holiday time, so that you & your daughter will have some time together, but make sure to include a weekend so that the whole family can do something special with you. I hope it's something that you will enjoy & look forward to in coming years also.

If you don't ask you will never know. Tell your daughter that you would like to see them particularly your grandchildren, and at what time of the year would it be best for them. Suggest that while you are there you can take charge of the house and children and she and her husband go off and have some together time alone. I did this and not only did it give them a repreive from the family but I got to spend , one on one bonding time with my grandchildren for a number of years. They looked forward to my visits so much so they paid all my expenses there and back.

So we all won.

When I was thinking of visiting my family interstate, I was never sure how welcome I would be. I decided to ring and say "I'm planning to come over your way next month. Will you be around?" At that stage, I was only proposing a visit, but I waited to be invited to stay or for alternative dates to be proposed. If the invitation doesn't come, you can "get busy" and let the trip quietly lapse or make your own arrangements for somewhere to stay and at at least combine a visit with some sightseeing.