-- A man, on his way home from work was stuck in traffic on the Monash

freeway which was much worse than usual. Noticing a policeman walking among

the stalled cars, he asked, ''Officer, what's the holdup?''



The policeman says: ''Wayne Carey is so depressed about being caught beating

up his girlfriend he's stopped his car and is threatening to douse himself

in petrol and set himself on fire.



He says his family hates him, fans hate him, his former team mates hate him

and he now won't have the $1million from his footy show contract.



I'm walking around taking up a collection for him.''



''Oh, really?'' the man says. ''How much have you collected so far?''





'So far only 18 litres, but a lot of people are still siphoning.''