During the last few years of her life  my mother was treated like a prisoner. Without my knowledge my sister removed her from her home to live with her. Once my mother was no longer able to leave the house, I could only see her once a week for an hour or so, but never alone. The last year of her life it cost my mother $33.000 for the privilege of living with my sister in a sparse room. So even when people don't go in a nursing home it doesn't mean they aren't being ripped off by their children. And, I might add, this was all while supposed to be under the care of the adult Gaurdian and the Public Trustee. 

There is a name for what is all too often suffered by the elderly - "Elder Abuse" and "Inheritance Impatience".

Elder abuse can include emotional, physical, financial, isolation, and neglect.  

It seems that most families have at least one greedy, cunning, and unfeeling person. They often get control by being "helpful" and "nice". They restrict access to others - sometimes to make themselves appear to be the more caring party (with the hope that a Will may be changed in their favour).

As to Karen's dilemma - visiting daily is possibly ok if you live very close to the nursing home - or if you are concerned about the care she is receiving.  Did you visit her so often before she went into care? Did she have LOTS of visitors when she was at home? Did her family visit her daily at home, or have they always been the same? Are you possibly feeling guilty at not taking her into your own home? Are you trying to set a standard you would wish for yourself if you ever go into care?  

I think visiting on special occasions (birthdays etc) and once or twice a week would be sufficient for most people.  A lot depends on the mental and physical state of the person - and this may change over time. You should discuss the visiting with the staff to find out if she is complaining about too few or too many visits. Every person is different, and we should try to gently provide what the person wants - not what we think they should get.

Yes it is out of sight out of mind. Even some of what are supposed to be the better Nursing Homes - they are disgusting especially in view of the cost even if it is paid by the Governent.

No way would I like to live in one of them or let a close relative live there.

"NURSES have been sacked from a nursing home for allegedly depriving a dying man of food and photographing residents' genitals in a game called the "Genital Friday Club".

One of the New South Wales' top nursing homes, William Cape Gardens, on the Central Coast, ran an independent investigation into the atrocities before sacking two nurses, allegedly the ringleaders, on February 16.

A third nurse was suspended and has since been reinstated, while a fourth nurse resigned.

The horrific treatment at William Cape includes claims that three nurses told an elderly woman with dementia that her husband was having an affair with her best friend while she was in care.

A whistleblower told The Sunday Telegraph that when food was withheld from an elderly man, the nurse allegedly said: "He was going to die anyway and this way it would make it quicker."

Staff were forced to sign confidentiality agreements over the scandal."

Read more to open your eyes

http://www.news.com.au/national/nursing-home-horrors-uncovered/story-e6frfkvr-1226016507730

Seggie. I thought I'd heard it all but that at William Cape Gardens is the worst ever. I was going to say 'been there done that' before I read that.  Once before I mentioned being very very CAREFUL of whom you think you can trust with finances and if not finances, your possessions.  I cannot stress that enough.  I don't know what happened to the world I once loved.   

Those who say they would never go into aged care or place a loved one in a nursing home are perhaps being a little unrealistic. There are many people in aged care, including my mother-in-law, who can no longer walk and are too frail to wheel themselves in chairs. Aged care is the only option because of all the lifting required to dress, bathe, toilet etc.

The high care service my mother-in-law receives is outstanding. The nurses are very caring and professional. She has her own large and very nice room with double doors leading out to a garden. She has a TV and phone and large ensuite. Since going into the home in mid January she has been visited every day by one relative or another. I agree with Debbie that it is not particularly positive to visit every day because we are realising that my MIL is making no effort to get to know the other residents. She expects our visits and complained recently that one of my daughters only visited her once last week even though my husband and I visited her every other day. She refuses to speak to anyone by phone and says "I won't speak on the phone because I want everyone to visit, not phone". 

It is not good for anyone when people feel obligated to visit everyday. 

Robiconda, you are correct. Care Facilities differ and usually it is how much you can pay as to what type of care you receive.  If you go into Care with a large bond, you (in theory) will be much better looked after than if you take up a Government funded place.  The last time I looked, the average bond was over $375,000.

As I said in my previous post, it is often impossible to care for an aged person at home and visiting daily can be prohibitive for many reasons.

We can make a choice about what we want to happen to ourselves, but need to be organised well in advance and have a good support network (not necessarily family). 80% of Australians support voluntary euthanasia, but while it is illegal, we have to do it ourselves...

It would appear in some Nursing Homes the staff appear to do it whether you want to die or not

Whether it is through negligence or intentional has not yet been disclosed but I guess that is one way to offload your unwanted MIL or FIL by putting her in a place like that and get your inheritance early.

A police strike force has been established to investigate the suspicious deaths of two residents at a Newcastle aged care facility.

Police have confirmed both people died after suffering from hypoglycaemia, a condition that can be caused by excessive insulin.

An 83-year-old woman was admitted to Newcastle's John Hunter Hospital last week, but died a few days later.

Another elderly patient died earlier this week.

A third resident suffering the same symptoms has recovered and has been discharged from hospital.

The ABC has confirmed that Summitcare Wallsend in western Newcastle is the aged care facility at the centre of the police investigation.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2013-10-30/poison-investigation-after-two-die-at-nursing-home/5057974

You know Karen having a parent (or in-law) go into Care is extremely difficult for both the person, their partner and the families.

A nursing home is a oneway street, our loved one enter and will never be discharged.

You are a wonderful daughter-in-law and the very reason your mother-in-law has settled in so well is your daily visits, expecially with her husband.

Have a long chat with your father-in-law about going every other day with you. It is truly important that you do not alienate your husband or his sisters.

It may also be worthwhile to ask your father-in-law who holds his and his wife's Power of Attorneies both financial and medical. Once this is established you can talk to that person about the family taking responsibility for visiting their own mother and if necessary set up a roster.

I never had this problem when my own father was placed in a nursing home, he had family visit every day as well as friends when they could until he died. As my father was a very religious man, we made sure he saw his Priest weekly.  

All of this helped him  the move from his home of 50 years to his nursing home (Aged Care Facility).

I was his Power of Attorney financial and medical along with my brother, we took over everything for him and eventually sold the family home whilst he was still alive, my mother had died 10 years earlier.

It is a very hard road to travel and it really saddened my family to see some residents never had a visitor, so we would come early and visit with them as well.

As I said I was extremely lucky with my siblings, in-laws and extended family all wanting to ensure my father knew just how much he was loved, respected and wanted in our lives.

I wish you the best of luck with all the things that come with having a loved one in a nursing home.

It's a sad thing, but the elderly are often forgotton in their own homes too.

HOMICIDE detectives are quizzing nursing home staff about the final moments before the deaths of two elderly women at Ballina

Two women at St Andrews Nursing Home in Ballina were found unconscious in their beds and died later while a third woman found unconscious survived.

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/nsw/net-closes-on-killer-who-allegedly-murdered-two-elderly-women-and-attacked-a-third-at-ballina-nursing-home/story-fni0cx12-1226959700102