New Year despair
Q. Tom
I am so glad to see the back of 2009, it has been a terrible year for me personally, but I am finding the prospect of facing 2010 even more distressing. Thanks to the GFC, I have found myself retrenched at the age of 57, my investments have plummeted and my relationship has gone down the tube. Just about everything that could have gone wrong in my life, has. I know I should be thankful for all the good things in my life, and I’m much luckier than many people but I’m finding it hard to focus on the positive. I need help to get my life back on an even keel.
A. Tom, facing the New Year can be difficult. There’s something about seeing out the old and bringing in the new that stirs many mixed emotions. And when you’re not in a good place in your life, the prospect of this can be really quite daunting. Without wishing to offer what sounds like a platitude, the start of a new year (and in this case, a new decade) is the perfect time to reassess what you wish to achieve over the next few years, regardless of how bad the past year has been.
Firstly, you have taken a few knocks over the last year and your emotional and mental health may have taken a beating. Make an appointment with your GP to talk over a few issues and, I would suggest asking them to take you through a mental health questionnaire just to assess if there is additional help you can access. Have a full health check as well. Sometimes the feeling of despair and lethargy do actually have a medical explanation that can be successfully treated.
In regards to your investments, thankfully the markets are on the up and, your portfolio will hopefully soon be looking healthier. However, whilst it is foolish to react irrationally to any market downturn, you should have an independent financial advisor look over your portfolio and assess if there is anything that can be done to minimise the effect of the fall in the market. For those who don’t need to access funds that are tied up in investments, a market downturn can be an opportunity to improve capital growth. Also, the drop in the value of your investments may have an affect on any Centrelink benefits you claim, or to which you may be entitled. Contact Centrelink’s Financial Information Service to make an appointment to discuss your situation.
Getting back into the employment market at the age of 57 is not easy but again, there is a positive aspect. Ask yourself how much you enjoyed your job and how long you would have carried on doing it? This is your chance to shape your life to suit you and plan for your retirement. Retirement is no longer the end of your working life, just the start of the rest of your life.
It is difficult to motivate yourself in terms of a comprehensive job search when you are feeling less than confident. For this reason, you may find a visit to a career counsellor of value. Whilst counsellors charge for their services, you may find the money spent the best investment you have ever made. Good career transition counsellors will help you audit your work life to date, understand your strengths and skills, create an enticing CV, and a make a start by contacting companies which may be able to hire you. Alternatively you might like to get a copy of [i]What Color is Your Parachute[/i]? a best-selling career search guide for just about anyone “between engagements”. And that is what you are, Tom. Not finished or washed up, simply between one role and the next.
The end of a relationship is difficult but when it comes on top of so many other disappointments, it can be enough to tip you over the edge. I’m not sure how long your relationship had lasted or how serious it was but sadly, sometime things just run their course. You have a lot to contend with at the moment and I would suggest that finding a new relationship, if this is what you wish to do, should come after you have tackled the more pressing issues in your life. If you are feeling sad at the ending of your relationship then discuss this when you go to see your GP. Counselling can also help you come to terms with what happened in the relationship.
Trying to deal with all your issues at the one time will amount to a mammoth task. Breaking them down into individual items will make them more manageable. Once you have your health, financial stability and employment back on track, this would be a good time to start thinking about a new relationship. Remember, sometimes love finds you when you least expect it but there are steps you can take to help it along.
[b]· [/b]Consider your interests and pursue them – do you like dancing, foreign languages, digital photography – join a club or try a short course. Meeting someone you have something in common with will give you the opportunity to strike up a conversation
[b]· [/b] Don’t try too hard – friendships often lead to something more – either way, they can be just as fulfilling as a relationship
[b]· [/b]Don’t be too prescriptive – if you are seeking “a type” by all means keep this in mind but don’t disregard others just because they don’t conform to this ideal.
[b]· [/b] Try new things – once you have some of your confidence back, trying something new may lead to finding someone new
[b]· [/b] Don’t be afraid of dating agencies or personal ads – there isn’t the stigma attached to these means of finding a partner as there once was and in all reality, it’s a very good way of getting close to what you want
Finally, you are luckier than most but that doesn’t mean your problems aren’t real. You have a lot to offer and one way of getting back some self esteem is by feeling useful and needed. Perhaps you could consider volunteering, not only will this highlight how lucky you are, it will also help you fill in your time, and stop those feelings of helplessness. It may also provide you with the opportunity to meet new and like-minded people.
Seggie. Tom, how are you? It's a really hard time when your partner/friends decide to walk and at this time of the year, it always seems worse.
I hope you didn't spent Christmas on your own? True friends are very hard to find that will stick to you through thick and thin and it's harder when one gets older.
I do most sincerely hope that New Year may bring peace of mind and good health. If you are down, talk to Lifeline or even Centrelink have counselling too. We used to find Centrelink very very helpful. Please let us know how you are?