nothing wrong with the kids ,it,s the parents
Gerry

I have some friends that this has happened to that are now broke themselves. Where as no parent minds helping out on occasions, to continue to do this without them trying to stand on their own two feet is really child abuse, as they will never learn to be independent and self sufficient and will continue to "bludge" on who ever they can throughout their life. You should never have to downsize or alter your way of life because of them. We will always love our Kids till the day we die but they have to learn to stand alone.

Its easy

One simple action will fix all and show (literally) everyone what you are made off

BECOME NUDISTS

Bet you wont see the kids for dust!!!!

Bill, you and your wife have done your children a disservice by allowing them to think that they can go on living this way. Did they ever do chores, as children? Did they ever make a payment to the household, when they first began work? Why is your wife doing all the washing, etc??!! They need a BIG reality check. Give them a specific date to be gone, and stick to it. Two out of three of our kids were boomerangs, but always paid their way, and shared the chores. We did have to give the youngest a bit of a push, but she took it well and it all worked out fine. Of course you love your children, and you'll always be there for them, but Bill, they're ADULTS.
Sheila.
Sheila.

Free at Last has the best solution - I love it :)

As a semi-retired Relationship Counsellor I offer you a FREE diagnosis of your problem and a FREE solution to it:
1. The problem: Self-inflicted martyrdom..
2. The solution: Say NO....
Peter.

I note that not all parents feel they are doing the wrong thing. Our 48 yr old son has a self contained area so does not impinge on our lives, though has dinner with us a few times a week. However we cannot help agonize over his position. He is On DSP which he resisted some years ago but Centrelink insisted. He has been tryong through Centacare and then Red Cross to return to wor but they are not much use. he lsot his profnl qual through inability to maintain recency of practice. I now of other parents with this dileema. We would like to have a website for an advocacy group to help us and our loved ones.

Many years ago this happened to my partner, kids would go and come back so he devised a method, either they came back as part of the family or as a boarder. As a family they paid at that time ie $40.00 per week as a boarder $80.00 per week. Usually they decided to be a boarder and paid the larger amount, this lasted for about 4 weeks and then they would come cap in hand and ask to be a member of the family. This meant then they were given a list of chores to do, if they didn't do them, then the next pay day the amount went back up to being a boarder.
When I was living at home a long time ago, I paid as my board a third of my wages, and these 'children' and really they are adults not children, should realise the imposition they are putting on their parents. They should use their mobile phone to contact friends, and also a lot of this is the fault of the parents, 'Oh - I can't charge my children board" then complain when they end up being the 'servants' of their Kids, life is expensive and these Child Adults should realise that their parents cannot carry them for the rest of their lives.
Print out all the replies and give them to them to read. Teach them how to use the washing machine, don't put their clothes in with yours, just leave them in a pile beside the Washing machine, they will soon get the message. If not, next time they want to move in, have a contract ready beforehand that they have to read and sign, giving them a copy of it with their signature and tell them that like living with friends is the same at home, do your share or you will be out the door.
You have to be tought, but for them to succeed YOU have to be tough, and not put up with the nonsense.
Regards
Betty

I had my son living at home up to the age of 32. When he turned 21 he asked me does he have to move out, we said he could still live at home, as long as he followed our rules, that is, pay board, keep the room tidy, leave a note to let me know where he is and what time he will be home.Board payments was increased every 12 months. He sometimes cooked for himself. These rules were followed, until he decided to move out and live on his own. He never came back to live at home since then, he tried to do his own ironing but he wasn't successful with it, so he brought it home and paid me for doing it. Bill, you really have to put your foot into it, you can't have them walking through the door at their own free will they are old enough to look after themselves. Having them living at home will run you into the ground, when now it's time for you and your wife to enjoy your time together and have some fun going out and meeting people. I do agree to change the bedrooms into a hobby room or another sitting room. Sit down and talk to them both that it is time for them to stand on their own two feet and that you and your wife have your own life to think of. Be firm. Judy

We should remember, or maybe some are unaware, that extended families living together were the norm up to some time around the Sixties when full employment, then permanent work, became a fact. In the Fifties it was usual for adult children to marry, have children and continue living at home. Necessity is the mother of invention.

The house was built in, verandahs enclosed, rooms built under and more rarely, kitchenettes built. That is how all of those rambling houses came to be, that modern fashion has decreed be 'opened up' and 'restored'.

Times have changed and through our own electoral decisions and often our refusal to get involved in 'politics' or represent the rights of others, we have to accept that it is largely our doing. Technology did not have to destroy the most juniour jobs, these could have been retained as cheap training/ public contact jobs and the technology sub-optimised (would have reduced the number of jobs designed only for monkeys too).

Employers now demand far more completed education for jobs, whether the tasks demand that level of skill or not. Employers refuse to train youth, insisting on cheap migrant workers. Jobs security was destroyed to strengthen the arm of the employer in reducing conditions.

What is happening through over-enthusiastic immigration is that populkation pressures have grown, there is a two speed economy with more have-nots and less share of the cake for all.

So, we all have to accept that while we value our freedom and privacy, young people are obliged to live in the world we invented for them. We are the ones who are largely responsible mostly through our political inaction and blind trust in the Julias, Bobs and Tonys, for the loss of paid education, loss of job opportunities and loss of permanent work that besets the young worker. We also are responsible for the dumb-ass diminishing of the value of the work of skilled trades and the stupid shunting of thousands of students, now girls, into unnecessary, unsuitable (for them) tertiary courses which do not result in employment.

In short, in many respects we have returned to the post-WW2 period, where there are thousands of young and old who cannot get jobs. Those who can get sponsored education and a leg-up into jobs rely on special entitlement and benefits, which post-war resulted from war service (ex-Diggers were given preference and women were displaced from jobs), but now flow from membership of special identified 'victim' groups.

Anyhow, moving right along, the cracks are showing and Australians must again compromise their living space and conditions, which for many will be a return to the extended families living together as they did post-WW2. Otherwise they must group-share with too many in tight living spaces (that is being done too for youth and the old). The quality of life most of us assumed would continue is being eroded. Rest assured though the belt-tightening and loss of wuality of life will affect us (seniors) more over time and not just our children.

Sorry about the long post, but we should attempt to understand the root causes as well as the obvious impacts.

I lived at home but I paid half of all bills. I admit my Mother did the cooking but she insisted on starting tea before I got home from work. I helped with the cleaning and did most of the gardening including cutting the large lawns. We had a big yard 160ft X 70ft. I made the decision to stay home to look after her as I knew she had medical problems that she was trying to hide from us.

By choice, I never had kids - was always too busy teaching them. But I am married to someone who does have kids in this age group. I am always amazed at the rampart consumerism of this generation. They own nothing but 'stuff', have even had all their cars supplied by generous dad. Without the blood ties that keep parents putty in the hands of their kids, I agree with those who say "No, we want our own life now". If, however, the kids pulled their weight and gave as good as they got, and showed gratitude for care given, that would be a totally different matter.

I would be disappointed if my kids presumed to move back in expecting me to wash their clothes and cook their food. It's not right and hopefully they would realize this and not take advantage. Being a doormat for your kids doesn't help them and certainly doesn't help the parent.

Wow, 35 and 37 and they still want to come home to Mum and Dad. Time they took responsibility for themselves and not rely on your good lady to be their slave no matter how much you love your children. Down size or tell them to share a flat together or alter your house so that their old bedrooms are something you can make use of - a study or TV/theatre room or whatever. No parents should be putting up with adult children turning up at the front door and expect the treatment they received as young chidren when growing up. Have they no respect for you and your wife? Definitely time for you and your wife to make a stand and sit down with the son and daughter and lay your position/thoughts on the line. Might be harsh, but they have to realise the two of you have your own lives to lead and can't still be burden with theirs.