Funnies
The American Navy found they had too many officers and
decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised
any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000
for every inch measured in a straight line between any two
points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two
points would be.
The first officer who accepted asked that he be
measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He
was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of
$72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter
and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched
hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.
The third one was a noncommissioned officer, a grizzly
old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured
replied, "From the tip of my weenie to my testicles." It was
suggested by the pension man that he might want to
reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the
previous two officers had received. But the old Chief
insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the
measurement was taken by a medical officer. The medical
officer arrived and instructed the Chief to "drop 'em,"
which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on
the tip of the Chief's weenie and began to work back. Dear
Lord!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?"
The old Chief calmly replied, "Vietnam."
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Finally someone has cleared this up for me ....
For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with marriage or religion, but the Indian Embassy in Canberra has recently revealed the true story.
When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a Convenience Store, a Service Station, a Kebab Shop or a Takeaway Cafe in Australia .
If there is nothing there, he must take a job in India answering telephones giving technical advice to Telstra and Optus customers who live in Australia.