Drug addiction

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11 yrs ago

My wife & I are faced with a son with a drug addiction that he wont acknowledge or accept.

He is paranoid & skitsofrenic and has abused every member of the family to the stage that no one wants to have anything to do with him any more. He spends hrs on facebook sending every one his ideas on all of the conspiricy theories & very pointed phrases & quotes about how everyone should be forgiving etc, but doesn't seem to have any idea that it is him that should be taking that advice. We have been to councilling ourselves & managed to get him to go a couple of times, but he walkes out as soon as the counciller mentions that drugs may be a problem. He has managed to relieve us of our liftime of savings by blackmailing my wife using guilt of not teaching him how to budget etc and now that the money flow has stopped he has resorted to very abusive phone calls & text messages with lots of foul language.

The counciller said there is nothing we can do until he crashes & burns. He is 30 years old. What can we do?

10 comments

Becker

11 yrs ago

I'm sorry you've received no replies, but I guess this is such a hard problem to deal with.

It is very similar to the thread on an adult abusive child. My view remains the same. IF you have tried everything, you MUST cut him loose.

I am tired to the bone of the conventional wisdom that talks of the 'joy of children/the role of the parent to love them.......no matter what'.

Adhering to this philospohy can be a slow death for anyone who continues to 'flog the horse' long after it is dead. It is impossible after everything has been tried, to still keep going 'because you are a parent'.

I am completely convinced that an abusive family member; no matter who it is, takes full advantage of this concept; they play it to the hilt.

I do realise how this could end if you reject him, but I also know there is nothing weak in this behaviour; there is strength and bullying in it.

If he is a diagnosed schizophrenic; then though I sympathise; and I DO; if he chooses not to take medication, then the fallout of his behaviour is meted out on you.

The hardest thing is that decision, because that decision breeds profound parental guilt,; that guilt forces us to put up with situations that we should not put up with if they endure for long periods.

Good luck to you. It is not at all an easy path.

Abby

11 yrs ago

Gary if I was in your situation I would

Change the telephone number and have it unlisted

and then get a dog if you do not have one - they are wonderful loyal friends on which you can shower your affections.

Nan Norma

11 yrs ago

Tell him you love him but can't take his behavior anymore. Tell when he can behave better you will be happy to see him again. Do it and mean it.

I had the same problem with my son. He eventually left at age 26 after I took out a restraining order. You are not talking to a human anymore but a drugged no good instead. My wife chose not to understand and the marriage ended.

He had kicked in all of the panels in his girlfriends car

All of the walls in the house had fist holes in them and police are powerless until you get the court order.

Go get one.

Nan Norma

11 yrs ago

The answers posted on here are all correct. You will go insane if you don't get him out of your life for awhile. But I believe you leave the door open by letting know he is welcome back into your life when he is off the drugs and can behave like a normal person. It's up to him then. Then you get on with your own life.

Hello Gary,dont take this the wrong way mate but just shoot him and put him out of his misery,you will not help him unless he wants to be helped,he doesen't,he is locked into a world that only he can get out of,he will just use,abuse and con his way through life,knowing you and his family will support him,this is what he plays on,your compassion and empathy.

Get a couple of Big Burly mates/hired help and forcibly remove him from your home,change all the locks and take a full restraining order against him and enforce it if he breaks it,sounds cruel eh,its not Gary,this bloke blood or not does not give a damn about you,his mother or anyone else,do not support him financially,give moral support only.

I suppose he has been medically assessed?

Have a good look at his friends too,you can usually tell about a person by the company he keeps.

I know i sound hardline but,you have to be,just take away the hand of friendship for awhile and see if he comes to his senses,other than that i don't know what else to say,I always give hard advice to people in your situation but you need objective opinions Gary,you dont owe him anything,that obligation ceased when he turned 16,you have to play hard ball mate,fight fire with fire,sorry if i sound cold and hard but you would not put your family business in a public forum unless you were desperate.

Good Luck to you and your wife and Kind Regards Billy

PS:-Blood is thicker than water Gary,but,guess what so is sh.t

Good Luck

Taskid

11 yrs ago

billy Is violence and hate you only answer to everything?

I am sorry to have to mostly agree with you Billy. There is no cure for paranoid schizophrenia. The very best medical treatment known to the medical world is capable of stopping the progression. There is no know medicine or treatment that can reverse his state as of to-day.

Hello innes,sadly yes,i have first hand knowledge of friends with this illness,I dont know what causes it,maybe drugs but i think they are born like that and certain things trigger it off,could be anything but not neccesserily drugs,could be the smell of chemical fumes,anything really.

I feel sorry for Gary and his family though,must be a nightmare,but,got to be cruel to be kind.I often wonder if schitzophrenics are aware or not that they are a problem,I mean anyone with a conscience knows right from wrong,but when your sick you sometimes dont realise it,which takes you in to another realm of narccicism and sociopathy,you just dont know,but bugger walking around your own house on eggshells just to appease your son.

Gary and his wife have fulfilled their obligation to their son by clothing and feeding him all his life,they are under no obligation to a 30 year old man,not a child a man.

Sounds like he wants an easy ride and is getting it,stuff him,sorry Gary but stuff him, or he will put you and your wife in the pshychiatrists office instead of him.

I know i seem hard,and i am,but your obligation stops when the kids leave school and get their first paypacket.Sorry mate but thats what I see.

Regards Billy

You are very correct Billy. We have got very close family experience with a full blown Schizophrenic. Apparently, a proportion of the population have the specific Schizo gene & if they use any kind of hallucinagent like Mary Jane, it is triggered. Various medicines keep it under control, but most do not get around to self medicating. It is quite normal for them to hate those closest to them & they are often a physical danger to family members. I must add that there is no connection with them not believing in Jesus.

Taskid

11 yrs ago

Innes Given the original post was made in March one would hope that the author has received some professional help and advice on this very difficult situation.

Your reference to Jesus is just foolishness and says more about you than it does about the relative and his sick son.

Taskid

11 yrs ago

Being a parent to a person with any mental illness is a hard ask. Unfortunately they tend to become nastiest with close relatives.

If he has schizophenia and is self-medicating with drugs, not taking his anti-psychotic meds then very little parents can do. Australia does not have a great record when it comes to services for the mentally ill.

Have you tried ARAFMI services in your state, they are an organisation which offers to support to families of the mentally ill.

Stop hassling me about violence Taschild,I dont really mean for Gary to "shoot his son in the head" that is a euphemism,you have to read posts "between the lines" Taschild and stop taking everything you read here in a literal sense.

Nothing written here is written by Professors of English,its normal people,basic people,people who write the way they speak.

I left school before i was 15,never got to Uni,but wish i could have,but i have educated myself by reading,i think you call it "auto didactic"

We are not all scholars mate,just people trying to express themselves at the limit of their ability.Comprende!

Taskid

11 yrs ago

billyknows Well a euphemism is usually a softer way of saying something harsh which may offend. Perhaps it would help a little if you avoid violent responses. It is difficult when we do not see you face to face to ascertain what you mean. If you speak violently, that is the sort of person you portray of yourself to others. I am sure you are not a violent person.

But if his life is so miserable then it may be the best option,but i am sure Gary does not want to hear posters bickering neither,just give him some advice.

Taskid

11 yrs ago

billknow I have given him suggestions from from my professional knowledge and experience. Inciting to murder is not helpful. I say that professionally.

we will never know as gary never came back ((:

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