Pete, 

I love the reference you provided ... so very wise.

Unfortunately, some people are old in their forties ... we have all met them.

I would want people who are vibrant around me.  I have friends in their 80s who are dating and leading very full lives.  They are interested in things that women in their 40s and 50s are. 

I as 73 but don't see myself as old. Fortunately I have have none of the traits nor conditions associated with this age.  I don't see ageing as linear, but just a gaining in experiences and, hopefully, wisdom.

Update:

Great place got offered in our best local Care Place near us. Large single room with own bathroom, toilet, glass sliding doors into private garden sitting area. Close to dining room and lounge room with open fire and comfy sofas. MIL said no. One week later (today) she could no longer walk, has been hospitalised and will probably be placed wherever they can find a place for her in Sydney. We feel so frustrated that she got stubborn, (while at the same time understanding that she didn't want to leave her home) because now we have less control about getting her into a facility near us and the rest of her extended family. At the place offered they said they would take her in as Low Care which works out better financially and then switch her to high care when she could no longer walk. That option is now gone and she will have to go into a high care facility wherever they send her. She undid her best option with denial which is so very common. 

Robi,

You did the best you could No good beating yourself over the head because your MIL was stubborn.

Maybe in reality it's the best solution all round.  This way she can't accuse you of forcing her into a home and making your life a misery.  Sometimes old people are their own worst enemy.

I just hope that I can stay in my own home until I die.  I never want to move in with any of my children.  After all they have their own lives to live and these days with retirement at an older age, most of them will still be working, so not able to do it.  Why should they give up their last years to looking after an aged parent ??

That's a good point Sandi - that she can't blame us - and makes me feel a bit better. I have a feeling that in part she is relieved that the decision is now taken out of her hands and she finally has to give in to full care. I can't begin to imagine though how she must be feeling having been told today that she will never go home again. We'll keep trying to get her to our area but understandably they want her out of hospital asap so they have the say at the moment. 

That final little trot in life is so sad for many people. Like you, I just hope I die at home. I don't want my kids to look after me either.

Spam bumping

Robiconda

Your partner may like his mother closer, it is possible to apply for a transfer from a unit she is placed in to another that is closer - it is possible to put her on a waiting list in a proximity where you live.

I won't have any of my kids look after me when I need help,I will go into hostel or nursing home when my time comes I have already spoken to the one I want to go to  as I volunteer there,