DADDY, WHY IS IT CALLED THE CHAN-SUKUMARAN STADIUM?

THE Australian Catholic University last week announced it would introduce scholarships in the names of executed heroin smugglers Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran.

We’re in for some awkward conversations 30 years down the track if this deification process continues. Just imagine:

“Daddy, why is it called the Chan-Sukumaran Stadium?”

“Well, princess, back in 2015 two young Australians were put to death in Indonesia after they got caught smuggling heroin. So we named the stadium and some schools and libraries after them to honour their memories.”

“Oh. So they were good people?”

“Not really, princess, but that isn’t the point. They got caught doing something bad, but they didn’t deserve to be killed.”

“Hmm. But they must have done something good, right?”

“Well, one of them learned to paint. Except it was mostly the same painting over and over again. And the other one liked Jesus a lot.”

“And that’s all they did?”

“You’re being too cynical, dear. They were young men who didn’t deserve to die for their crimes.”

“Daddy, have any Australian heroin dealers ever been shot by Australian police?”

“Why, yes, princess. I suppose some of them have.”

“Then why haven’t we named anything after them?”

“These questions are very complicated, little one. I’ll tell you when you’re older.”

“I’m 25. Anyway, can you please drive me into the city? If we take the Khaled Sharrouf Tollway to Milat Bridge we should arrive at the Russell Brand Centre in less than 30 minutes.”