Hi Joan,

I feel you have all the correct info at your fingertips from the advice you have already been given. However, I have to add one thing of my own experience, so other readers, relatives will benefit from my knowledge and experience.

When my parents were beginning to have health issues and Dad had been diagnosed with Alzheimers, I persuaded them to think about care in the future should anything go wrong, that they could be placed on a wait list for a 'home' of their choosing. They were very much aware of my circumstances that I would not be able to care for them as I worked full time to survive.

I inspected many facilities myself, chose three I felt would be good, and Mum and I visited each one. Mum was very keen on one place in particular so we placed their name on the list. Dad did not wish to inspect the homes chosen.

As it turned out approximately 18 months later Mum suffered a major stroke, and was bed ridden. Dad required monitoring in his home and the preparation of meals etc. Because I knew which home Mum was pleased with I rang and asked if we could have married quarters for them both. (They had all the medical details for both my parents).

The reality of wait lists, and Hospital staff/social workers saying there is a vacancy at this particular facility, "I warn" do not be pushed in to taking that accommodation (If it is not the one your family chose), even if you are under pressure from staff, need the bed etc. I rang the chosen facility twice a week asking if anything was available yet, and did this for approximately 3 -4 weeks. At the end of this time they were able to take my parents together with interconnecting bedrooms. You must remain strong and hold your ground for the benefit of your family and you do receive quite a bit of pressure. However, they cannot force you to do what your parents do not want, you have become their spokesperson and their strength.

If you ring consistently, when a vacancy becomes available they remember you more readily as being keen, in need urgently, far more than anyone on 'the wait list'. I advise my friends to do what we did. They can ensure their parents are where they want to be, and have their own choice. This relieved me of any guilt as I knew I was doing what they requested. My mother died 6 mths later, and my Dad 2 years later.

You have to remain strong under pressure from medical staff, and be consistent in staying in touch with your family's chosen facility. Hope this information assists many families in the future.

Mac